Today, I rejoined the YMCA.  I used to belong to the Y previously; however, I cancelled my membership and then joined another health club.  I cancelled that membership when it was up last year in October.

My health has suffered greatly since I started my journey of recovery.  The major trigger of having my control taken away from me; my safe place no longer safe; and all of the memories flooding back (keep in mind I never forgot what happened – I had merely suppressed it instead) made me go back to unhealthy eating habits to find my comfort and I stopped working out/exercising.

Since then, I’ve gained 40 pounds and today, while trying to put on my one and only pair of jeans I can fit into, I realized that I barely fit into them.  This was a sign of my unhealthy eating habits and my lack of exercise.

I used to run or walk every day and get a minimum of 10,000 steps a day.  Now I can barely get half of that.  I did start running on Friday, after work, and could not believe how great I felt despite thinking I couldn’t breathe and I was so out of shape; but I made the 20 minute run.  Today I walked to my therapist appointment and then afterward, signed up for a membership at the Y.

Today is the start of the way upward out of the bottom of my “garbage bag”.  I’ve been living almost at the very bottom of my “garbage bag”.  Fighting and trying to find a way up towards the top and out of it; but not being able to do so.  I’ve felt like it was a losing battle and I had no idea what to do nor where to turn for help.

Now that I’m attending recovery group every other week and seeing my therapist once a week, I feel like there is a way out.  I feel like; despite the recovery road going to take years; that I will get better and there is hope for me and my life.  I just need to keep focusing on the people I have in my life and the support that is available to me.

Of course, I’m upset that I’ve allowed this to happen; however, I cannot focus on the set-back and only focus on how I can change my circumstances and how I can become healthy again physically.

I just need the encouragement of my family and friends.  I need them to help keep me going.  Now, to let them know what I’m trying to do……. that will be the hardest thing.  Here’s to allowing God to take this burden from me and help guide me through everything.