, , ,

When will the toxicity stop? When will the losing end?  I’m told that I need to cheer up at work, be more positive. I need to work on my attitude. I need to watch how I respond, how I come across, how I speak, etc.  

I start to listen to audiobooks and read books and listen to podcasts to learn.  I pray every day and ask God for help. I start to change my attitude. I watch what I say. I watch my attitude. I learn to mind my own business. I take responsibility for my mistakes. 

I’ve learned from the book I bought about healing my inner child that I need to understand my conflicts could be my child getting angry and upset and not the adult. 

So how come when I am upbeat and happy and enjoying myself at work, when the toxic one is getting ready to leave for the day does she spring it on me that I am being too happy and too loud?  Why wait until then?  Why not say that I just need to keep it down? Why not say something earlier? Why make it seem demeaning? 

Is this jealousy? Is this just another attempt to ensure I will get fired? Is this another attempt to try to undermine me? Another way to hurt me?

So how do I react? I stew…….and stew……..and stew…………and stew……….and then binge on fast food.

I need to really get to work on healing my child. 

God – are you listening? I need your strength. I need your courage. I need your help!!