Weight loss journey – the day before…..

Tags

Depression, fat girl, healthy lifestyle, healthy living, weight loss

I’ve struggled with weight issues all my life.  I’ve successfully been able to lose weight – and a great amount – and was doing okay with keeping it off. I’ve had a couple of setbacks; however, this time is the worst weight gain I’ve had since I used to weigh 350 lbs. 

The PTSD, depression and my recovery journey has taken me to places I never thought I would ever go. 

I’ve discovered that I find comfort in food; but then berate myself for eating unhealthy food and hence gaining weight. 

I’ve stopped exercising after walking over 10 miles every day and even had gotten to the point where I was actually running and enjoying it. I had run several 5k races and even have a medal for placing 2nd in my age class. 
Tonight, as I was sitting on my bed and watching tv, I turned and saw myself in the mirror and wanted to break down and cry. The image staring back at me was an image I thought I would never see again. I was so disgusted by the image I saw that it almost put me over the edge. 

I had already started making the decision to get back on track with my health and to tackle my weight issues. My sister-in-law sent me a 30 day package of Isagenix. I will be starting the 30 day plan tomorrow. I’m already getting Super Lipotropic B12 shots, which have greatly reduced my appetite (though that has not stopped me from eating despite feeling full). 

I will need all of the encouragement and motivation and support I can find and hold onto. 

So, fellow traveler and reader, please join me in this journey of weight loss. I will chronicle my weight and what I’m doing and how I feel as much as possible. 

I already know that I will need the great strength that only God can provide me to make it through this trial in my life. However, I will need human support as well. People who can see my progress and see how things are going. 

Here begins the journey within a journey.  Won’t you join me?

Thank you for your prayers, thoughts and comments. All will be greatly welcomed and remembered. 

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Walking, Walking, Walking

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Emotional Health, faith, recovery, walking, weight loss

So, I’ve been walking for about 3 weeks now.  I really enjoy it when I have a walking buddy.  I believe it’s the relationship/camaraderie aspect that I really enjoy.  It makes walking that much more enjoyable.

I’ve been walking every day at work at lunch. I make sure to walk at least for a half hour and walk for almost 2 miles. I then try to get the remainder of my 10,000 miles in during the remainder of the day. I need to start walking even more by either getting up earlier or walking at night. I think getting up earlier will be the better option. This way my day starts off with more energy. 

This really is helping me be more positive along with just making me feel better overall. Emotionally I feel better. The migraines have eased off. The fatigue I will pray to God that it leaves me as well. I am working on my weight and will pray for God to continue to help me with my weight and help me to achieve my healthy weight goal. I want to start running again and would also like to do yoga as well, but need to lose more weight before I can do either of those things. 

Thank you, Lord, for helping me achieve the goals so far without your strength and encouragement I would have not made it this far. You are the rock upon which I put my everything on. 

Food Addictions

Tags

abuse recovery, child sexual abuse, child sexual abuse recovery, Child sexual abuse survivor, christianity, Emotional Healing, emotional recovery, faith, God, health, mental health, weight loss

I never wanted to believe that I was truly addicted to food.  I wanted to keep my head buried in the sand.  I wanted to blame my weight issues on other factors – PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), insulin resistance, my gut/stomach issues, not exercising, etc.

I used to weigh a heck of a lot more than I do now.  I was at one point 375 pounds.  I’m now 221 pounds.  I did get down 165, but then gained 20 pounds and was at 185 and was happy there.  But then the bottom dropped out in my life and I gained more weight and have been hovering around the 225/220 area for awhile now.

I’m supposed to stay away from gluten-laden foods and anything processed since it aggravates my stomach/gut issues plus it will raise my blood sugars and I don’t want to go back on medication for my PCOS.  I’ve been eating at fast food restaurants, or going to the supermarket delis and grabbing food that is not good for me.

For the past 3 weeks, I’ve been exercising every day.  I’ve been walking every day at lunch for at least a half hour and ensuring I reach my goal of 10,000 steps.  But this does no good if I’m not eating healthy.

Yesterday, as I’m on the treadmill at work for the 2nd time in an effort to reach my 10,000 steps, and am not liking being on the treadmill, I start praying to God.  I figure I should make the best use of my time.  I’m not sure if God would agree with my thinking, but to me it worked.  I was trying to remain positive about my workout and my purpose and my plan.  Look at all of those “my’s”.  Those really should be replaced with God’s purpose and God’s plan……. I digress……..  anyway, I asked God for help with my food addiction. It just popped into my head.  Out of nowhere!  So I prayed and asked for the help.

So, when I went to the grocery store for only a couple of things (and ended up with a whole basket full of good food – and I’m not kidding either) I did roam past the aisle with dip for potato chips and my favorite dip was not there.  So I took that to be God’s hand had played a role and He had answered my prayer to help me with my food addiction.  No favorite dip meant I would not be buying any potato chips and dip.  Whenever I would buy this duo meant I would eat the whole bag and container in one sitting and then feel incredibly sick for two days.  Additionally, I would also feel guilty and like a fat pig  for almost a month afterward.

So, score one for God!  He does answer prayers.  He does care about the little prayers.  The things that we think he could care less about.

I will still have to conquer my food addictions each and every day.  This is a battle I need to deal with until I deal with the underlying issues of my child sexual abuse.  I realize that is where the root of my food addictions lie.  Who would have thought that they are interconnected?  How odd………….

However, I have God by my side.  I have the biggest and best warrior on my side.  I have the best weapon to be able to defeat this addiction – GOD!

I’m going to be forward thinking.  I’m going to be thanking God every day that he helped me to defeat my food additions.  I’m going with the thought pattern that my food addictions are already defeated.  That I am no longer a slave to the food addictions.  That I no longer like those nasty foods.  That I am no longer lured by them.  That God will deliver me from the food addictions.

For when you have a God as great as the God I worship and praise, what or who can be against you?  NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weight Loss Journey

Tags

health, running, weight loss

I have battled with weight for as long as I can remember.  I’ve weighed as much as 375 pounds and was recently down to 165 pounds.  Unfortunately, I’ve gained 60 pounds recently and need to work on getting it back off.

I had gone gluten-free due to having PCOS and having a reaction whenever I ate gluten-laden foods.  I suffer from some sort of stomach issue which means I have constipation and food backs up my small intestine.  Not a lovely picture I realize; however, I think it helps to know the struggles I’m dealing with.

I used to run — hated running for almost all of my life and 2 to 3 years ago I started running on the treadmill just out of the blue.  I’ve loved running but have not run in over 6 months  – hence the weight gain.

I’ve started walking again every day and utilizing my FitBit Flex like I should with tracking my steps.  When I started walking again, I started feeling great again; but still ate foods that I should not and ate even when I’m not hungry.

Tonight I joined DDP Yoga for a year.  This was a cheaper option than joining a gym and allows me to workout at home and takes away all of my excuses as well of why I can’t or don’t want to go to the gym.

I’ll be taking a picture of where I am now.  First time I’ve ever done this – so I can track my progress.  I need to set small goals in order for me see progress instead of setting the real big goals.

I hope you’ll enjoy this journey with me.  God is providing me with the strength and courage to lose the weight and become healthy and strong again.